You've Got Sleepless In Seattle: How to Lose a Nine and Half Yards in 10 Things I Hate About My Big Fat Greek Runaway Bride

Q: I have been in university for the past three years and working at the same time to help pay my way through school.

I’m maintaining all my commitments really well at this stage of the battle. However, I am worried about my personal life as I work so much that I barely get to go anywhere.

Do you ever see me finding some balance and meeting a good boyfriend, or will I always be working and have no life.

-Dragon

A: Are you Asian? I just get the feeling, and I have no idea why, that you are Asian. Either way, you should be excited. This is the absolute perfect set up for a movie. You are literally living the early stages of a romantic comedy. Firstly, you should be proud that you will be involved in the process of getting men laid on second dates worldwide.

Now, at this point, the pieces have already been set in motion and you can just sit back and relax. Sometime soon you will be working away at the local diner, clearing dishes and being verbally abused by middle aged people. You will look very ugly. People around you will be unable to see you as anything more than a homely, incompetent slave to their eggs-and-bacon orders and light tipping mindsets.

All of that will change in the midst of an out of control dinner rush when you wait on the most breath taking man your eyes have ever fucked. He will be Tom Hanks, or perhaps, depending on the budget, Chris O’Donnell.

After a few whimsical dates, everyone will forget how ugly you are because the on-set stylist will have turned you from an Amy Whinehouse covered in egg yolk to a Cindy Crawford covered in Tom Hanks’ semen. WOW!

You will both fall in love face first, and live happily ever after. Unless I was right about you being Asian, in which case, just ignore the previous four paragraphs because no one makes movies about Asians that don’t involve wire fighting.

Warmest regards,
-Donny.