Just The Term "Yorkie" Makes Me Sick to My Stomach, If We Can Be Honest

Q: My Yorkie seems to bark all the time and since I live in an apartment, I’m worried about complaints. What should I do?

-Abby

A: It should be fairly obvious to anyone…what you should do is not buy homosexual dogs. That’s right; your dog is probably gay. And not one of those muscular, quiet gays that you wouldn’t even know was gay if they didn’t literally grab your cock while you were standing at a urinal this past Saturday. No, you have one of those loud and proud, flamboyant, “OMG I AM JUST GOING TO TOTALLY MAKE OUT WITH YOU IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, AND I DON’T CARE HOW UNCOMFORTABLE IT MAKES PEOPLE FEEL” gays. Give him away to a family in a city centre where homosexuality is more commonly accepted.

Warmest Regards,

-Donny.

There are a number of reasons you two should be together. If I had to guess, I'd say, oh I dunno...69.

Q: I'm a 21-year-old lesbian. After coming out, I've fallen in love twice, but it has ended up with me not expressing my feelings and the other person getting a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Last month, I met this girl, and I feel we have a connection, but my friends tell me she's just playing around.

She went back to her country for two months and will be coming back this month. Will I ever have a chance with her?

A: Your hot piece of immigrant tail probably is fucking around. I know how these lesbians work as I spend most of my time day dreaming about them. First they disrobe while looking at you all sexy and serious at the same time. Then they get real oily; like fucking SLICK. Then they crush bananas between their hands and smush it all over you and them and then they have whipped cream. Yeah, a ton of whipped cream but not Cool Whip because that's not fun enough. They have the one that sprays all over the place like a penis...you know what I lost my train of thought.

The only way I can accurately determine if you two are meant to be together is if I see you in person...69ing eachother. So if you're ever in DeKalb, swing on by. I'll make dyke donuts and lesbian brownies. Trust me, it will be a gay old time.

Warmest regards,
-Donny.